It doesn't need much. A nasty comment. Excluded from key meetings. Dressed as a scorpion with "constructive feedback." Accept the long story of others.
These tiny interactions tear our resilience.
How do people feel so overwhelmed about the damage they release?
This week I attended a seminar on people's reading skills and asked: "When we say that a person lacks emotional intelligence, what do we mean?'"
The responses include:
They don't know how their behavior affects others
They are unpredictable – one day they are happy, the next day they are angry
They are very easy to lose temperature.
As my friend Chris Freeman said: “Some people bring energy to the room when they enter the room; some people bring energy when they leave the room.”
As we dig more in these scenes, we find that we are sympathetic to those whose volcanoes are unpredictable. We realize that no one wants to deliberately become a thorn pear. This type of aggression is usually due to some kind of pain experienced by someone. Not many are complete anti-social people.
I found in the seminar that when people started thinking about emotional intelligence, they began to worry about how they appeared and what kind of impact they were making. They don't want to be someone else to avoid or celebrate when they leave the room.
So how do we cultivate self-awareness?
Use technology. A compelling article on Human Resources Magazine outlines the innovation of emotional sensors developed for artificial intelligence. The idea is that the sensor monitors microbes [heart rate, stress response, skin temperature changes, eye movements, pitch changes]. This will help the machine decode what is happening to the individual. Its origin is to help bankers avoid making impulsive investment decisions.
Technology has raised our awareness. We can start without it, but pay attention to our own biological clues: pay attention to your breathing – deep or shallow, pay attention to your physical tension, pay attention to the blush on your face. As you begin to notice what happens to biochemistry, you develop self-observation skills. When this happens, this is the first time you've been involved in development prospects and put your emotions on the passenger seat, not the driver's seat.
reflection. This is a key habit for all successful leaders. At the end of the day, in your diary, take a cup of tea and spend some time thinking about your day's interactions. Have you increased someone's life or degraded it? Where can you go, where can you improve?
Request feedback. We have difficulty with feedback and often find it difficult. However, this is the best gift. We may not be aware of a particular phrase, behavior or action that affects others.
Finally, others can't ruin our day. Only we do this. Others can take a variety of behaviors, but we can choose how to deal with them. It is not always easy, and the behavior of others may be absolutely shrinking. We create meaning for each experience, so choose to use a story that is not painful. We are the captain of our own ship and we choose its route.